You haven’t lived until you’ve used a squat toilet – a ceramic bowl or channel set into the floor, with two wider places, on either side, to put your feet. In most Asian countries, loos are aptly nicknamed ‘Squats’ and are actually easy to manage, with a willing spirit and a little advance planning. Here’s a how-to guide worked out by trail, error and splash…
Ladies, always wear a ¾-length skirt when travelling in squat countries, to hide a multitude of sins if no loos are available at all! I learned my lesson when travelling by local bus from Laos to Vietnam. When the bus stopped on the road, men went on one side, women on the other. I was the only one, trousers ‘round my ankles, with nether regions hanging out in the breeze. Try going quickly under that kind of pressure. And there was no dashing into a ditch or behind a tree, since the area hadn’t been cleared of landmines!
Before you enter the cubicle…
- Make sure you have a handful of toilet paper (it’s highly unlikely there’s any inside) and a plastic bag into which you will place it, when used.
- Put your hand sanitizer in an accessible pocket.
- If you are wearing trousers, roll up the legs. When unbuttoned, they shouldn’t drop lower than your knees.
- Put your backpack on. Trust me, there’s nowhere to hang it up and you don’t want to leave it on the floor.
- When in most squats in India (they are generally cleaner in Thailand and other SE Asian countries, put a drop of peppermint or lavender oil right under your nose to help offset other ‘aromas’.
When inside, lift your skirt up by the hem and tuck it, all around, into your waistband.
Put your feet in the grooves, squat and aim for the hole. This is actually the position best designed for our bodies to eliminate waste…and very good exercise for those quads!
Sometimes (but not always) there’s a bucket of water with a ladle, or a hose with a showerhead-like attachment. Go native, and use it to wash yourself (good luck…there’s a definite directional knack to this), and use it to sluice the area clean.
Hopefully, you have a free hand to operate the hose or ladle. By now, your thigh muscles are aching, your backpack is weighing heavily and your balance, precarious.
Emerge from cubicle…hot, sweaty and satisfied. Apply hand sanitizer liberally.
Now, try this on a moving train…